"Fake It Till You Make It" Makes You a Fraud
X and IG are full of alpha male profiles preaching “fake it till you make it” – be a man and just work harder.
All of that is terrible advice!
You don’t need to fake anything to be confident. If anything, faking it makes you weak.
The Problem with Faking It
“Fake it till you make it” suggests that by imitating confidence, you can realize those qualities in real life. Sounds good, right?
But it’s a house of cards waiting to collapse because it’s built on nothing.
Confident people aren’t confident because they shout affirmations in mirrors. They’re confident because they’ve built skills and learned to handle setbacks. True confidence is knowing that no matter what happens, you have the ability to handle it.
When you fake it, you’re just pretending. You don’t actually have any skills. Worse, you’re signaling that whoever you are right now is wrong or bad – that you need to be someone else.
Why This Always Backfires
For years I hid my anxiety because I didn’t want anyone to see me suffering. I wasn’t just anxious about situations – I was terrified I couldn’t hold it together. The moment I accepted my feelings and stopped hiding, everything got easier.
Faking it creates three devastating problems:
Imposter syndrome that never leaves – You’ll feel like a fraud because you’ve done nothing to back up your claims
Inevitable collapse – Ask Elizabeth Holmes or Frank Abagnale. Both ended up in prison for faking it
Amplified anxiety – Suppressing feelings makes them stronger, not weaker
Imagine hiring a coach to make money online, then discovering his Lambo is rented for Instagram photos. Would you trust him? When people expose fakers, businesses implode, reputations die, and you end up worse than before.
What Actually Builds Confidence
True confidence doesn’t need faking because it’s built on honesty and courage.
You think Elon Musk wasn’t nervous before landing his first rocket? You think Erling Haaland doesn’t feel nervous before penalties? He admits he does.
True confidence is taking action despite fear – not the absence of fear.
Here’s the difference:
Faking: Pretending you’re already there
Believing: Knowing you can get there
When you admit you’re nervous but act anyway, you show real strength. When you’re scared to take the game-winning shot but step up anyway, that’s confidence.
Confidence isn’t built on success – it’s built on failures. Failing over and over but refusing to quit because you know you can do it. That’s believing in yourself.
Taking action without feeling nervous requires no confidence. Taking action when terrified but believing you can handle it? That’s everything.
Build your confidence from the ground up. Step by step. Skill by skill. Because authenticity always wins – and lying about who you are is the opposite of confidence.
You can find all my Articles on Substack: https://juliusnotes.substack.com/