Your Anxiety Is a GPS You've Been Reading Wrong
For a long time, I hated myself when I felt anxious.
I always thought, "Why am I such a pussy? Why do I always feel scared of trivial things?"
In the last few years, however, my relationship with anxiety changed dramatically. Anxiety is not necessarily bad—it is just misunderstood.
The Great Anxiety Misunderstanding
People get confused about what anxiety means. We often think anxiety is a sign to stop when in reality it means go.
I took it as a sign to stop for many years. I thought it was a sign I was doing something wrong. But it just meant I was doing something I cared about—something that would make me grow and get better.
This isn't about the anxiety that just hits you when you're standing in line at the grocery store for no apparent reason.
I'm talking about the anxiety that hits before giving a presentation, before something you want to do but just don't feel ready for yet. I'm basically talking about self-induced anxiety.
My History with Fear
I have a long history with anxiety by now. Sometimes it was random. But most of the time, it was because there was some underlying issue I had with myself—my self-esteem, confidence, or mindset.
Things that seemed normal to others scared me. Not because the thing itself was scary, but because I was actually afraid of being afraid. I feared I would not be able to hold myself together when anxiety hit. That I would somehow throw up in front of everyone, embarrassing myself, and what others might think of me if it happened.
The Comfort Zone Trap
So when COVID hit and everything shut down, it was probably the most comfortable and relaxed I had been in a long time. Working from home, no scary social events where I might embarrass myself. Nothing.
But it all came at a cost. Because the truth is: Anxiety does not get easier by avoiding it. It feeds on it.
Whenever you plan on doing something but then avoid it because you feel anxious, you actually reassure your subconscious that this was in fact dangerous and to be avoided.
You teach yourself to be fearful of those situations. You are actually conditioning yourself. You are the one who is confirming your fear!
Yes, I was calm. But we all knew sooner or later, society would open up again. We would start going to the office again, socialize outside, restaurants, bars, and events would open up again.
That calm was gone very soon!
The Anxiety Rebound Effect
I thought my nervous system was finally reset. I had returned back to normal, taken a breath, and everything was fine. But that was not the case.
Going out was more difficult than before. That anxiety was not only back—it had worsened. I got so used to avoidance that I had unlearned how to handle it.
Like when you stop going to the gym for 3 months and suddenly your warm-up feels like a new personal best. It became so bad, I was even scared to spend time with friends and family.
The Cost of Choosing Comfort
One year, a friend invited me for New Year's Eve—celebrating it together with friends. Some people I did not know, some I had been close with for a decade. Friends I had spent New Year's Eve with multiple times, creating some of the funniest and most joyful moments I'd had.
But this time, I was too scared. I valued my comfort over creating memories with friends. It was not the only time I declined an invitation to something that could have resulted in good memories.
But the true cost was not these lost opportunities. It was all the lost opportunities to follow. Shortly after, two of my best friends planned a trip to Bali. I wasn't even asked. Not because they didn't want me there, but because they knew I would not come due to my anxiety.
The invitations became less and less. Who can blame them? If you invite someone over and over but they decline, at some point you stop.
Now you can make an argument that good friends should still invite you regardless, but this is not about that.
Most people probably don't even know about your anxiety and assume you are just not interested. That is just logical thinking.
By avoiding those events, I did not only worsen my anxiety. I lost out on many opportunities to grow, build connections, and share incredible moments with friends and family—in that moment and for the future.
What Anxiety Really Means
We misunderstand anxiety. Badly!
Think about it from an evolutionary standpoint. Anxiety was meant to keep us alive. It is supposed to keep us alert and sharp. It increases our heart rate and adrenaline. Blood and oxygen get transported faster, which makes our muscles more capable. Tension in our muscles prepares them for quick moves. Heightened vigilance and more.
Does any of that signal "Stop, do not move" to you?
All of those symptoms are meant for one thing: To help us act. To run faster. Fight harder. React and think quicker. Use it for that!
Your anxiety is often just a signal for growth! That conversation you don't want to have is an opportunity to become better at it. The presentation you are afraid to mess up is an opportunity to show your skills.
Learn to follow the directions your anxiety shows you.
Your Recalibration Method
Acknowledge: When you feel anxious, realize that this is just a feeling. It is neither good nor bad. It is a signal to think.
Decode: What are you afraid of? Is this actually dangerous or just uncomfortable?
Act: Follow your fear and intentionally act toward it. Be curious and follow it. You will be surprised where it may lead you.
The only way to truly show yourself you do not need to fear anxiety is to stay in it and let your body and subconscious mind realize that this is not bad. This is not a life-or-death situation.
The Only Antidote
The only antidote to anxiety is action.
Don't avoid anxiety. Learn to read it and learn to use it.
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